Thursday, April 14, 2011

this is hard

day 1 was a success i abstained from over eating all day and only ate when i was hungry. i am really proud of myself it feels so good to have control. today I am striving for the same thing but it seems its going to much more difficult today. i am having strong urges to binge so i am really trying to explore why i am feeling that way. this is such a pattern for me i will do really well one day than the next day i seem to fail. Why do sabotage myself?? Why do i not have enough self worth to stay on track? Am i eating to keep feelings i dont want to feel from coming out? i do notice on days where i want to binge i also feel like crying all day. Could this be connected? I pray one day soon i will be able to answer all these questions and be healed from this awful disease that has control over my life. all i can do is try not to think about weight lose or dieting or the number on the scale and just take this one day, hour, min and second at a time.
so today i will pray, read and tell myself i am worth it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change, courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference, Amen

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