Monday, January 18, 2010

Day 2

I noticed i failed to tell you all about myself yesterday in my first blog. I am a 31 year old wife and mother I have 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband I work as a foreclosure specialist and believe it or not i really love my job and all the people i work with it is a high paced stressful job but it keeps me on my toes :)
Ok so on to my day, today was a pretty good day i was off work and the girls were out of school went to the doctor for a check up cause i am taking a drug called phentermine I know it is a highly controversial drug but I am taking it very short term just to jump start my weight loss and i am being closely monitored by my doctor. I am also doing weight watchers and excersing. I have lost a few pounds this month so i guess i am doing something right!
I am desperately trying to lose at least 20 punds by april. I am in my cousins wedding and the other 3 bridesmaids are thin and pretty I am scared i am going to look like a big blimp next to them. Now I am not extremely overweight but i could stand to lose about 40 pounds I am 5'11 so i am able to hide my weight well but I am so tired of trying to hide my weight and hoping for winter so i can wear my hoodies and sweat pants and then dreading summer cause i hate the way i look. I get up everyday and stress about what i am going to wear and how i look it just wears me out! Sundays are the worst cause i have put on weight in the last few months and none of my dress clothes fit me so i am always stressed and uptight on sunday mornings which tends to make my entire family stressed and angry and sometimes i think what is the point in getting up and going to church if it is just going to stress everyone out but then i remember that i need to be there hearing the words of my lord and savior and Bro Tim delivers it in such a way that moves me to tears almost everytime I hear him.
I feel so disconnected from the Lord right now i have for a few months I made some horrible choices these past few months that almost destroyed my family and I just can not seem to forgive myself and I definitley dont feel forgiven by God. I want so bad to have a time machine and go back and change it all. I know that God erases all of it and I am washed clean but dang it can he just help me forget cause it haunts me everyday which makes me want to eat cause that is how i comfort myself I wish i could find other ways. I pray everyday for relief from this pain in my soul. I give it to God everymorning when i get up and all day and then again before i go to bed I feel like I am begging for forgivness all the time when I know that i was forgiven the first time i asked, guess i need to forgive myself!
Well enough for today I am sure no one is reading this but i really like posting this it seems to help me and maybe just maybe i can touch someone elses life as well.

Lord help me to feel and know you and to trust in you, Lord help me to stay on track with my weight loss goals. In your preciouse name i pray! AMEN


  1. oh, we are reading lol Jennifer, please know that Lauren and I support you 100% and that you are in my prayers. You are right about having to forgive yourself. God already has but forgiving ourselves seems to be the hardest thing. Find peace and mercy through our Lord who is holy! We love you.

  2. Ditto to what Zack says. I love you girly!